I really appreciated this, Andrea. Reading this as a clinician, I found myself especially drawn to your distinction between the different presentations and the underlying mechanisms beneath them. The "check-engine light" metaphor especially stayed with me. I also appreciated how often you pause to ask not simply what is happening, but what might be driving it. I'm looking forward to Part 2!
Thank you, Meg, I really appreciate this! I’m so glad the distinction between presentation and mechanism landed. That’s the piece I most wanted to slow down and make visible (for myself as well). And I’m very pleased the check-engine light metaphor stuck around. 😊 Part 2 coming soon!
Breaking this into categories is great! I write abd talk about desire in long-term love and with women and often think of how it is very much there, but buried. And it's buried under all these categories you described...along with sometimes having never given ourselves permission to have desire at all (ie societal messaging(.
Exactly! Sometimes desire isn’t gone so much as obscured: by resentment, exhaustion, disconnection, pressure, body changes, or years of not feeling entitled to want in the first place. For all genders even, it’s hard to recognize desire when you’ve been taught to distrust it, minimize it, or organize yourself around everyone else’s needs.
The part about getting bored with each other and feeling like there's nothing new to discover makes me wonder about the role of each partners' temperament, especially openness to new experience. Do you see this happening more often with people who like routine? Or does the desire for something new lead to boredom coming quicker? I could see it working either way (or both!).
I think we would have seen a couple of these lights if good girl and I didn’t start our 24/7 D/s dynamic with discipline. We tackle these issues each week and find a very solid middle ground and balance but it definitely takes work 😘 and lots of spankings 😘🔥❤️ great work!
I really appreciated this, Andrea. Reading this as a clinician, I found myself especially drawn to your distinction between the different presentations and the underlying mechanisms beneath them. The "check-engine light" metaphor especially stayed with me. I also appreciated how often you pause to ask not simply what is happening, but what might be driving it. I'm looking forward to Part 2!
Thank you, Meg, I really appreciate this! I’m so glad the distinction between presentation and mechanism landed. That’s the piece I most wanted to slow down and make visible (for myself as well). And I’m very pleased the check-engine light metaphor stuck around. 😊 Part 2 coming soon!
Breaking this into categories is great! I write abd talk about desire in long-term love and with women and often think of how it is very much there, but buried. And it's buried under all these categories you described...along with sometimes having never given ourselves permission to have desire at all (ie societal messaging(.
Exactly! Sometimes desire isn’t gone so much as obscured: by resentment, exhaustion, disconnection, pressure, body changes, or years of not feeling entitled to want in the first place. For all genders even, it’s hard to recognize desire when you’ve been taught to distrust it, minimize it, or organize yourself around everyone else’s needs.
The part about getting bored with each other and feeling like there's nothing new to discover makes me wonder about the role of each partners' temperament, especially openness to new experience. Do you see this happening more often with people who like routine? Or does the desire for something new lead to boredom coming quicker? I could see it working either way (or both!).
I don't know! I haven't really tracked it in that way, that's a fascinating research question :)
I think we would have seen a couple of these lights if good girl and I didn’t start our 24/7 D/s dynamic with discipline. We tackle these issues each week and find a very solid middle ground and balance but it definitely takes work 😘 and lots of spankings 😘🔥❤️ great work!
I'm glad you are finding balance! :) Thanks for reading.