This is so incredibly crucial for genuine bonding experiences, Andrea. I think we underestimate the value of early pain for long-term success, and your article really highlights why it matters.
That idea of launching from safety instead of making safety the end goal is such an important therapeutic insight. I absolutely loved that part and will try to incorporate that into any healthy communication, especially before 'things go wrong' 🙏
Me and my partner both came from trauma. We have found a safe place with each other for the last nine years, but I’m learning more and more how deep my partner’s fear is and how much room is still left for him to feel safe. I’m a big personality. I demand what I need. He is quiet. He usually won’t ask. In fact he’s conditioned to expect nothing. I want him to feel safer to come to me.. but some of the emotional responses I have scare him.
All this to say… I appreciate the piece. The analogy of the child resonates, because in relationships we ARE dealing with each other’s wounded child too. He wants me to watch. He’s silently calling out to me. I’m working on bringing more awareness there. Thanks for this reminder!
Oh, I’m so moved by what you said. I was a trauma specialist first and one of the biggest reasons I’m a couple therapist now is how powerful relationships are in the healing of trauma. It’s beautiful you’ve made that space for each other.
And, if this is okay to say, I hope for the two of you that you keep going as you’re saying - how far you’ve come is evidence of how far you can go. ❤️
That's a really good question. :) I obviously don't know the answer exactly but I do think we don't need very many. For some we just have the main one, for others we have more than one (either in non-monogamous terms or with friends/family/therapists/etc), but I don't think we actually need a whole bunch of bases. Just some place we know we can return to as needed as we continue wandering around. What do you think?
This is so incredibly crucial for genuine bonding experiences, Andrea. I think we underestimate the value of early pain for long-term success, and your article really highlights why it matters.
That idea of launching from safety instead of making safety the end goal is such an important therapeutic insight. I absolutely loved that part and will try to incorporate that into any healthy communication, especially before 'things go wrong' 🙏
Thank you, Ajmal! I'm so glad it resonated. :)
I'm appreciating your in-depth exploration here on something that sounds simple, but is really complex.
Thank you, Julie! :)
Me and my partner both came from trauma. We have found a safe place with each other for the last nine years, but I’m learning more and more how deep my partner’s fear is and how much room is still left for him to feel safe. I’m a big personality. I demand what I need. He is quiet. He usually won’t ask. In fact he’s conditioned to expect nothing. I want him to feel safer to come to me.. but some of the emotional responses I have scare him.
All this to say… I appreciate the piece. The analogy of the child resonates, because in relationships we ARE dealing with each other’s wounded child too. He wants me to watch. He’s silently calling out to me. I’m working on bringing more awareness there. Thanks for this reminder!
Oh, I’m so moved by what you said. I was a trauma specialist first and one of the biggest reasons I’m a couple therapist now is how powerful relationships are in the healing of trauma. It’s beautiful you’ve made that space for each other.
And, if this is okay to say, I hope for the two of you that you keep going as you’re saying - how far you’ve come is evidence of how far you can go. ❤️
🥹🥹🥹
That's a really good question. :) I obviously don't know the answer exactly but I do think we don't need very many. For some we just have the main one, for others we have more than one (either in non-monogamous terms or with friends/family/therapists/etc), but I don't think we actually need a whole bunch of bases. Just some place we know we can return to as needed as we continue wandering around. What do you think?
Oh, I love the idea of hosting a porch light for new people. :) That is gorgeous.