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Caroline • Desire In Real Life's avatar

Love this. There's SO much talk of safety being the ultimate goal, bit I think there is more to it, which you shared. We can experience safety as dull, boring, or uninteresting.

Andrea J. Medaris, Psy.D.'s avatar

Totally! That’s going to be a big part of part 3 😊

Dr. Nicole Mirkin's avatar

Passion as the rate of change in intimacy explains why stability can feel suspiciously like boredom. Long-term desire may depend less on recreating the beginning and more on continuing to discover parts of each other that aren’t already known. Apparently, love needs a secure base and occasional new material.

Andrea J. Medaris, Psy.D.'s avatar

I couldn't agree more! It's not possible to repeat the beginning, but that's okay, we'd probably die if we tried to live at that intensity. But the other option isn't total stagnation, and continued discovery sure feels like a good engine to me.

Caroline • Desire In Real Life's avatar

Secure base AND new material. Yep.

axeslinger11's avatar

I think about the monkey with his hand in the jar with the nuts and wouldn’t let go so his hand got stuck 🐵

Andrea J. Medaris, Psy.D.'s avatar

Haha, the hunger drive does occasionally led us astray. 😂

axeslinger11's avatar

Haha that’s why I tell good girl I’m hornnggrrry a lot lol 😂