I believe the stepping stones should be defined clearly. There is light falling those days on a specifical grey zone we did ignore for thousands of years : the gap in between the individuality and the general. The individual part is rooted and is over heating. The general image of it is rich but is not mirroring you back anymore. You're rich at home and nobody outside. Let's map it out together
I suspect there may be something interesting in what you’re saying, though I’m not entirely sure I’ve understood it correctly. When you talk about “the gap between the individual and the general,” can you say a little more? That sounds related to something I was trying to explore in this piece.
Not easy to nail it in a few words, but a whole new workable field is opening in between the particular and the general. I mean in a philosophical sense the particular links to the general only through logical vectors. In economy or science through statistics. This is concerning the zone as such.
Now concerning you, generally people would say you got the right signal at the right moment. It could be seen like that, sure. It's very important for a sensitive person, this might even be the equivalent of the "Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I will move the earth." But that something you did experience by "chance" could be now visible on the path from the particular to a nuanced general. Hope I'm not too obscure!
PS - This has given me a lot of thoughts and now I want to write about it. Is it okay if I mention your comments or would you like to retain the anonymity of the comment section? :)
Ah I think I see. One of the things I’m increasingly interested in is that there are phenomena that disappear when reduced to isolated variables, but are also larger than a single subjective experience. They seem to exist somewhere between the particular and the general.
(Aside: this a fascinating thing I see in couple therapy all the time. They present me with some specific instance of a conflict. I reflect the larger pattern. They say no it was just this one time. I inquire for more info about this one time. They say well it's not just this one time, we need to look at the big picture. 😂)
That’s part of why this topic fascinates me so much. The challenge isn’t just having an experience, it’s finding a way to talk about it that preserves something of its shape without reducing it to either anecdote or abstraction.
What I hear you naming is that overwhelming positive experience can function as destabilizing new data, not because it is harmful, but because it contradicts the self-map the nervous system has been using to survive.
That phrase in your notes, “seen, wanted, safe,” feels especially important. It is not just that love feels good. It is that accurate seeing can revise an entire nervous system orientation.
Your phrase “limbic revision” feels exactly right to me. The emotional brain receives embodied evidence that the old protective model may no longer be true, and something begins to update below the level of argument or explanation.
My wife, of 42 years of marriage, and I had a similar experience...at least as far as the expectation realized goes.
“it is that accurate seeing can revise an entire nervous system orientation.” Exactly this! I love that you had that experience with your wife. So far beyond all the gifts we’re anticipating from a marriage. 😊
Love the way you process things, Dr. Andrea...and am still planning to use your phrase, as long as you're okay with it...limbic revision...it's stuck in my head now!
This is so relatable! Coming at it from that therapy-oriented, scientific lens, too, I wonder if it felt disorienting because of previous unpleasant experiences evoking a similar type of internal processing disruption. I've always found the experience of falling for another person to be disorienting. To be genuinely seen (in my experience), is rare AND uncomfortable. It's unfamiliar and uncertain. It requires vulnerability and a level of presence that I just don't typically walk around carrying. It's fabulous and unsettling at the same time.
It certainly is! Both of those things. I tend to think it’s destabilizing for everyone to different degrees (the worse degrees being likely because of what you’re saying - previous experiences of reality shifting), but it should be destabilizing. Things need to get shaken up so they can change, I think.
Definitely. I have always felt like things need to be shaken up for me specifically to change. I wonder if that's true for everyone. Maybe I've been too hard on myself thinking other people require less intensity to respond accordingly to their environment. Me, on the other hand, "every aspect of my character and life is about to change in response to this... I will be totally new/stronger/improved on the other side (but definitely not completely because junk is still carried until it's processed)." I'm the first to admit that I'm a bit ridiculous about these kinds of things. Thanks for sharing about your experience! I loved being able to relate.
You are emphatically not ridiculous! I'm about to get on my soapbox, but I can't help myself. What I think you're describing is sensitivity, and everyone talks about that like it's a flaw, but I think it's just a quality, like a microphone has sensitivity. Whether it's the right mic or not depends on what it needs to do - sometimes you want one that is super sensitive and sometimes you don't, but it doesn't make them "too" sensitive or not sensitive enough. What I think we're doing (because I feel that way too) is picking up a frequency some other people miss. A lot of times we're right that everything is about to change and we will become someone new. That can be hard but it's also pretty awesome, because it means when we're in that significant experience, we *know* it.
Girrrrl yessss. I feel so seen! 🫣 That makes a lot of sense. "...picking up a frequency some other people miss." Because that feeling is never wrong. All of those pieces do change. (I just thought I was being dramatic about it. 😂) Thank you for normalizing my normal. 🧡
I always found falling in love very stressful, never enjoyed it so much. So I can relate to that.
I completely get that. It’s a very stressful experience! Thanks for reading 🙂
I believe the stepping stones should be defined clearly. There is light falling those days on a specifical grey zone we did ignore for thousands of years : the gap in between the individuality and the general. The individual part is rooted and is over heating. The general image of it is rich but is not mirroring you back anymore. You're rich at home and nobody outside. Let's map it out together
I suspect there may be something interesting in what you’re saying, though I’m not entirely sure I’ve understood it correctly. When you talk about “the gap between the individual and the general,” can you say a little more? That sounds related to something I was trying to explore in this piece.
Not easy to nail it in a few words, but a whole new workable field is opening in between the particular and the general. I mean in a philosophical sense the particular links to the general only through logical vectors. In economy or science through statistics. This is concerning the zone as such.
Now concerning you, generally people would say you got the right signal at the right moment. It could be seen like that, sure. It's very important for a sensitive person, this might even be the equivalent of the "Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I will move the earth." But that something you did experience by "chance" could be now visible on the path from the particular to a nuanced general. Hope I'm not too obscure!
PS - This has given me a lot of thoughts and now I want to write about it. Is it okay if I mention your comments or would you like to retain the anonymity of the comment section? :)
Please feel free to do whatever you think it’s more convenient to keep this flowing :)
Ah I think I see. One of the things I’m increasingly interested in is that there are phenomena that disappear when reduced to isolated variables, but are also larger than a single subjective experience. They seem to exist somewhere between the particular and the general.
(Aside: this a fascinating thing I see in couple therapy all the time. They present me with some specific instance of a conflict. I reflect the larger pattern. They say no it was just this one time. I inquire for more info about this one time. They say well it's not just this one time, we need to look at the big picture. 😂)
That’s part of why this topic fascinates me so much. The challenge isn’t just having an experience, it’s finding a way to talk about it that preserves something of its shape without reducing it to either anecdote or abstraction.
Andrea, this is powerful.
What I hear you naming is that overwhelming positive experience can function as destabilizing new data, not because it is harmful, but because it contradicts the self-map the nervous system has been using to survive.
That phrase in your notes, “seen, wanted, safe,” feels especially important. It is not just that love feels good. It is that accurate seeing can revise an entire nervous system orientation.
Your phrase “limbic revision” feels exactly right to me. The emotional brain receives embodied evidence that the old protective model may no longer be true, and something begins to update below the level of argument or explanation.
My wife, of 42 years of marriage, and I had a similar experience...at least as far as the expectation realized goes.
Great work and congratulations!
“it is that accurate seeing can revise an entire nervous system orientation.” Exactly this! I love that you had that experience with your wife. So far beyond all the gifts we’re anticipating from a marriage. 😊
Love the way you process things, Dr. Andrea...and am still planning to use your phrase, as long as you're okay with it...limbic revision...it's stuck in my head now!
It is an excellent concept! It's from A General Theory of Love which is a great book :)
Cheers! I'll check it out.
This is so relatable! Coming at it from that therapy-oriented, scientific lens, too, I wonder if it felt disorienting because of previous unpleasant experiences evoking a similar type of internal processing disruption. I've always found the experience of falling for another person to be disorienting. To be genuinely seen (in my experience), is rare AND uncomfortable. It's unfamiliar and uncertain. It requires vulnerability and a level of presence that I just don't typically walk around carrying. It's fabulous and unsettling at the same time.
It certainly is! Both of those things. I tend to think it’s destabilizing for everyone to different degrees (the worse degrees being likely because of what you’re saying - previous experiences of reality shifting), but it should be destabilizing. Things need to get shaken up so they can change, I think.
Definitely. I have always felt like things need to be shaken up for me specifically to change. I wonder if that's true for everyone. Maybe I've been too hard on myself thinking other people require less intensity to respond accordingly to their environment. Me, on the other hand, "every aspect of my character and life is about to change in response to this... I will be totally new/stronger/improved on the other side (but definitely not completely because junk is still carried until it's processed)." I'm the first to admit that I'm a bit ridiculous about these kinds of things. Thanks for sharing about your experience! I loved being able to relate.
You are emphatically not ridiculous! I'm about to get on my soapbox, but I can't help myself. What I think you're describing is sensitivity, and everyone talks about that like it's a flaw, but I think it's just a quality, like a microphone has sensitivity. Whether it's the right mic or not depends on what it needs to do - sometimes you want one that is super sensitive and sometimes you don't, but it doesn't make them "too" sensitive or not sensitive enough. What I think we're doing (because I feel that way too) is picking up a frequency some other people miss. A lot of times we're right that everything is about to change and we will become someone new. That can be hard but it's also pretty awesome, because it means when we're in that significant experience, we *know* it.
Girrrrl yessss. I feel so seen! 🫣 That makes a lot of sense. "...picking up a frequency some other people miss." Because that feeling is never wrong. All of those pieces do change. (I just thought I was being dramatic about it. 😂) Thank you for normalizing my normal. 🧡
You bet. 😊❤️